How do I deal with my ego?

The following is what works for me, see if any of it resonates with you, if not, keep searching for a way to bitch slap your own egos and remember, "Absorb what is useful, add what is specifically of your own and disregard the rest".  

It's a daily battle, some days are easier than others. What's the most important factor next to accountability?

Self awareness for one thing. Being aware when I am in my ego is the biggest thing. A good friend once said to me that with every action, every thought, every intention, I am either moving towards or away from love. That resonated something fierce with me.

Well, that's a question to ask myself prior to releasing or acting upon my thoughts.... to literally step out of myself so to speak and become the observer of myself, my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, my beliefs. And so a deep introspection began. One that is, for me anyway, necessary on a day to day/week to week basis but began with 4.5 hard days of sitting with myself with no TV, music, computer, phone, books, anything at all…. Just me, myself, my couch and the walls that surrounded me at the time.

“What is emotional pain?” I asked myself. Take a time where I felt rejected for example… (and I did this with every negative as well as less than desirable emotions that dwelled within myself from fear and hate to pride and vengeance, as well as every belief I found to be limiting to my personal evolution);

For example....A woman gives me the friend over lover preference, what's the first thing that I felt? Rejection. Now I observe and analyze that feeling from a third person perspective.... what is the origin of that feeling of rejection? Is it really "rejection"? Could it be I am simply not her type? Even if I asked 500 women out consecutively and they all said no, does that really and truly mean I will never find a woman out of the 7 billion people on earth today? Mathematically speaking, is that even feasible? Or could it be your ego is manifesting this feeling based on years of social programming? And that feeling will reinforce the belief of being less than desirable, worthy or what not. A vicious self fulfilling spiraling prophecy filtered directly through my very own ego.

When I began to tear apart a negative emotion as such the way I would say, another martial art system to find its weaknesses and strengths (which is something I personally relate too), I began to realize, all that I feel is a programmed choice I can deprogram and choose to feel something entirely different and more productive about.

In summary: any feeling you have that isn't working for you be it sadness, hate, anger, frustration, jealousy, whatever it may be, you need to first acknowledge it (self awareness) and affirm the fact that this feeling you are so hanging onto simply isn't working for you at this point. It is causing unnecessary stress and is bringing you down, no 2 ways about it.

Once you've determined feeling that way has no constructive bearing whatsoever on your life, you analyze the root of the emotion from a third party observer's perspective. Observe the emotion without feeling it.... observe it as if it were a separate object altogether and you will begin to detach from it thus seeing it much clearer for what it really is: Your programmed interpretation of any given situation.

Then once detached from it, analyze it.... ask all kinds of questions about it, where does it stem from? Why? Is there any truth to it? Is it serving you? Truly serving you? And by serving you I mean, does this emotion/belief improve the overall quality of your life or not? And if it isn't.... why hold onto it? Change it. Concentrate and focus on the great things in your life, your friends, family, training, etc. and connect with an emotion that accompanies these things and you will automatically begin to feel the positive emotion if you actually make the effort to think about these things for we do indeed live what we think therefore THINK WHAT YOU WANT TO LIVE.....

And we all falter and fail.... impossible not to, we're plagued by the duality of ego and higer self and societies cater strictly to ego. It is the ability to acknowledge and be accountable for our faltering all the while truly learning from it that is important, not trying to never falter.... that is impossible.... especially in our societies.

Don’t forget to enjoy life, let your ego go, forget about everything except experiencing life to the fullest, every bite of food, every conversation with a cared one, every person you help, every person who helped you and especially the differences - enjoy it, live it and don't resist it, trust the process as patience is a virtue, not a weakness.

Much peace,

Rich