Well, that's a question to ask myself prior to releasing or acting upon my thoughts.... to literally step out of myself so to speak and become the observer of myself, my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, my beliefs. And so a deep introspection began. One that is, for me anyway, necessary on a day to day/week to week basis but began with 4.5 hard days of sitting with myself with no TV, music, computer, phone, books, anything at all…. Just me, myself, my couch and the walls that surrounded me at the time.
For example....A woman gives me the friend over lover preference, what's the first thing that I felt? Rejection. Now I observe and analyze that feeling from a third person perspective.... what is the origin of that feeling of rejection? Is it really "rejection"? Could it be I am simply not her type? Even if I asked 500 women out consecutively and they all said no, does that really and truly mean I will never find a woman out of the 7 billion people on earth today? Mathematically speaking, is that even feasible? Or could it be your ego is manifesting this feeling based on years of social programming? And that feeling will reinforce the belief of being less than desirable, worthy or what not. A vicious self fulfilling spiraling prophecy filtered directly through my very own ego.
In summary: any feeling you have that isn't working for you be it sadness, hate, anger, frustration, jealousy, whatever it may be, you need to first acknowledge it (self awareness) and affirm the fact that this feeling you are so hanging onto simply isn't working for you at this point. It is causing unnecessary stress and is bringing you down, no 2 ways about it.
Then once detached from it, analyze it.... ask all kinds of questions about it, where does it stem from? Why? Is there any truth to it? Is it serving you? Truly serving you? And by serving you I mean, does this emotion/belief improve the overall quality of your life or not? And if it isn't.... why hold onto it? Change it. Concentrate and focus on the great things in your life, your friends, family, training, etc. and connect with an emotion that accompanies these things and you will automatically begin to feel the positive emotion if you actually make the effort to think about these things for we do indeed live what we think therefore THINK WHAT YOU WANT TO LIVE.....
And we all falter and fail.... impossible not to, we're plagued by the duality of ego and higer self and societies cater strictly to ego. It is the ability to acknowledge and be accountable for our faltering all the while truly learning from it that is important, not trying to never falter.... that is impossible.... especially in our societies.